Today, I went to NTU for some welcome thingey by the School of Computer Engineering. Yeah, for the record...
:arrow: [b]I didn't get my 1st choice NTU course: Communications and Information!!![/b]
Yeah, I was rather totally pissed off, when I received an offer for the Computer Science course instead, like a week ago... Come on man... Why confuse my thoughts?!?
To elaborate... I was like totally crazy about the Computer Science course thingey the first time I wanted to send in my application in March. Then, after some severe persuasion and convincing by family and peers, I'd came to think that Comm and Info was more my thing and had better job prospects. Why? Cos' writing's been some sort of a passion and I've been known to kinda have a flair for it, plus working in the broadcasting and media arena created a big anticipation on me. So, my mind totally switched to Comm and info! [i][I have this mindset problem, I realised...][/i] Now that fate has it that I can't sit through that wonderful course, I've to switch my mind back to Comp Sci!!! Man!!! Of course I'm dead furious! I hate [i][b]changing[/b][/i]! I can't [i][b]change[/b][/i] that easily... Yet, no one seems to understand me... Perhaps, my emotions over such a small matter may seem too overwhelming... But to me, it's really a big deal. I have to have some time to think over it again. Man... getting a degree is like almost determining how to make full use of your future. Otherwise, why get a degree that you won't be using? And when I say I need time to think, I mean [b]TIME[/b]! Time to sit down and digest, time to evaluate and time to propose a solution. Furthermore, I haven't had time while I was working. But no one seems to understand! I got angry over it and tried to just push the matter aside till I had [b]time[/b] to ponder over it. But I keep getting pushed to make a decision! Why can't my mind just have some break from all the work, and then have time to ponder over it? Why? Give me some thinking space...
So when I kept silent each time the issue about decision making was raised, I was scolded. If I had said something that was on my mind, I'd be scolded too. Either way, I was scolded. Why? My temper is to be blamed. Man!!! I wasn't raising my temper or anything... I was just trying to be calm and cool and trying to think over it... Besides, I've controlled my temper very well all due to silence. Yet my silence seems to be misunderstood again! Can someone please enlighten me? [b]Should I say what's on my mind or be silent?[/b]
I'm quite fed up... Even when I say something in my normal tone of voice, my temper is to be blamed for raging again! Please... My temper is doing just fine these days, unless I start shouting and hollering all the nonsense. Anyway, I don't holler nonsense. All I do, is try to reason myself. But cos' people start raising their voices at me, I raise mine too. Why? Cos' I'm afraid they can't hear out my reasoning. Now, isn't that being reasonable enough? Just pay me some listening ear and hear me out and then think over your reply again.
Yes, I admit that I do have a temper. Well, who doesn't? But never always blame anything that doesn't go right by you, on my temper. Cos' I haven't said anything and I'm already blamed. I'm getting tired of having my temper blamed for no reason. If ever I'm angry at something or someone, I do have to say it out loud. Otherwise, how can I live getting bottled up? Silence is golden eh? Yeah, when I'm silent, it means I'm thinking. I'm thinking how to answer, how to solve it, how to just [b]avoid[/b] an argument! I didn't start any argument... I was just plain thinking over plenty of matters lately...
[i][b]Understand me, is all I ask...[/b][/i]
[LINE]
Anyway, I went to the NTU SCE thingey as a means of trying to decide whether Comp Sci is the right choice. It's always better than having to make a hasty decision. Yeah, but I just couldn't understand why Dad was so insistent on me paying for the course. It's not until the 17th that I have to reply ya know...
Whatever...
Man, the welcome meet was a bit enriching but come to think of it, I think it was more for the Comp Eng people. All they usually talked about was Comp Eng. Praised about Comp Eng. Everything that is good is Comp Eng. Laughed about Comp Sci. Man... I hear different views from different people. Saying Comp Sci is like all software and programming and that it could be learnt from books and etcetera and like "why bother going through uni just to study it". Saying Comp Eng people are more likely to get jobs. Man! Then some said that it depends on the individual. Well, yeah... But considering the job market, how probable is that Comp Sci people will get employed? Won't the employers prefer the Comp Eng people, who knows both worlds : software and hardware???
That's what kept me silent the whole day. Plus being too tired from the heat of all the climbing and getting lost in the NTU's School of Computer Eng and worn out from listening to the sophisticated project people's presentations. Totally physically and mentally worn out. I've met new people but I just don't know whether there'll be a second time where I'll meet them on campus again. It was enriching a lil' but my mind's just a lil' too confused in trying to make a decision such that, I just can't be bothered by other matters. The games and get together's were quite fun but, the people there (mostly guys) seem too tall for me to [i]reach[/i]. Literally speaking... plus the fact that they're older than me (generation gap?) Almost became a loner, had I not met Shasha and Jennifer (ex-PJCians) Then James was rather interactable... The rest were like... [b]dead[/b] most of them... I dunno... Maybe they're just like me? Pondering over making a final decision?
Darn NUS... Why can't they send us their reply earlier??? Are they trying to extort the reservation money out of us??? We're just students ya know!!!
[b]Am I being pessimistic here or am I realistic?[/b]
I dunno... I think I'll get some sleep now... No... LOTSA!
